Too Young, Then Suddenly Too Old: Ageism Against Women at Work

There’s something that’s been sneaking into many of my coaching conversations lately: ageism in the workplace, especially as it affects women. Much of what I know about it comes from lived experience: my own, and what I hear from friends and clients. Hints of it creep out of my clients’ mouths. Reflections like: “I’m only 51, why am I being overlooked?” Or, as one client told me: “Look at European Commission President Ursula von der Leyen, killing it at 67. I admire women like that.”

I know these moments well. Gendered assumptions have followed me through my own career, and age is simply the latest version.

Is your age holding you back at work?

I’d love to think of age as just a number. But if you’re a woman in your 40s, 50s or beyond, you may be wondering if your age is quietly working against you. The research suggests this isn’t simply in your head. The Government of Canada’s review of the social and economic impacts of ageism found that older women are particularly likely to experience workplace discrimination, including in hiring and access to training. In one large field experiment involving more than 40,000 job applications, researchers found significantly greater age discrimination against older women than older men, with women aged 64–66 experiencing the highest level of discrimination. More recent research from AARP found that 66% of women aged 50 and over who were working or looking for work said older workers face age discrimination, with common assumptions including that older employees are less comfortable with technology or resistant to change.

The bias isn’t always as obvious as being passed over for a job. It can show up in who gets development opportunities, whose expertise is acknowledged, or the subtle assumption that someone is nearing the end of their career. Canada’s own consultations on ageism identified employers’ reluctance to hire older workers and pressure to retire among the recurring concerns raised by older workers.

Women can face gendered assumptions at every stage of their careers

“I can’t get a job because I don’t have enough experience,” you may have thought early in your career. Later: “I can’t believe I’m being asked if I’m planning to have children.” And then, eventually: “When do you think you’ll retire?” These inner thoughts, and sometimes the overt questions from employers, are real.

Early in my corporate days I recall conversations with my boss who told me he wasn’t going to promote me right now because I was married and he was going to promote another woman who needed the money more. (Whaaaatttt?) And then there was the time I announced I was pregnant with our first child. The male colleague who’d been envious of my plum assignments miraculously retracted his competitive claws and sat back, waiting for me to “disappear.”

The assumption that I wouldn’t be as focused at work after I became a mother hit me like a ton of bricks. I wasn’t ready for that. I had always been exceptional at my work and gave my employer my all. The assumptions made about my career interests based on my marital and motherhood status were not something I even considered until they were right there in front of me.

Of course, I’m not alone in this. Research on the “motherhood penalty” shows that becoming a mother can have lasting effects on women’s earnings and career progression, with the OECD identifying both career interruptions and employer discrimination as contributing factors. Later, those assumptions can shift toward caregiving responsibilities, leadership potential and, eventually, age. The Government of Canada’s review specifically identifies the intersection of ageism and sexism, finding that older women can face greater discrimination than older men in areas such as hiring and access to training. In other words, women can find themselves evaluated not simply on their skills, experience and contribution, but through assumptions about what their gender and stage of life supposedly mean about their availability, ambition, adaptability or future plans.

Why women are often asked about retirement before they’re ready

There is something surprisingly jarring about being asked when you plan to retire when you don’t feel anywhere near finished. One day, you’re having conversations about your experience, your leadership and what you want to take on next. Then suddenly, someone is asking, “So, how much longer do you think you’ll work?” or “Are you thinking about retirement?” Perhaps the most frustrating part is the assumption the question can carry: that because you’ve reached a certain age, your focus should naturally be on winding down rather than stepping up, changing direction or trying something entirely new.

One client recently shared with me that “ageism is alive and well” in her workplace. She reflected on how early in her career she was asked by one HR director in an interview: “Do you have anywhere you have to be at 4:30?” Ten years later, after she’d had one child, she was asked in an interview whether she was planning to have more. And now she’s being asked in interviews when she thinks she will retire. The research backs this up. Canada’s federal consultation on ageism found that some older workers reported being repeatedly asked about their retirement plans or feeling pressured to retire earlier than they wanted. What shocks me even more is that I’m hearing this question is sometimes coming from senior women, asked of other women as they decide who to promote next.

Reaching a certain age doesn’t mean you’ve reached the end of your ambition.Click To Tweet

Here’s the thing: reaching a certain age doesn’t mean you’ve reached the end of your ambition. You may have more clarity than you’ve ever had, more confidence in your own voice and a pretty good idea of what you want to do with the years ahead. You may be ready for your biggest leadership role yet, a completely new career, or a business you’ve been thinking about for years. Retirement may be part of your plan, or it may not. Either way, shouldn’t that be your decision?

In a recent letter to my readers, I asked, “How are you feeling about the chapter you’re in?” Some of the answers may surprise you. One beautiful response came in as I was writing this:

“I feel like I am finally coming into my own. I am a mermaid, a forest nymph, I am the source of Divine Love. I have nothing to prove. Just flowing with the Universe at this stage of life.”

Nothing to prove, filled with self-worth and self-acceptance, and appreciating the world for what it is. That’s a beautiful place to be.

For some women, this chapter feels like arrival. For others, there’s still something unfinished, and that’s worth honouring too.

What to do about ageism when you’re not done yet

If you still have things you want to do, build, lead or become, don’t let someone else’s assumptions about your age become your internal story. That doesn’t mean pretending ageism doesn’t exist. It means getting intentional about where you put your energy. Be clear about what you want next, keep your skills and knowledge current, and make your experience an asset rather than something you feel you need to apologize for. Seek out people and organizations that value what you bring, rather than trying to convince those who have already decided what someone your age “should” be doing.

And perhaps most importantly, I’d like to offer this: don’t confuse being experienced with being finished. You are allowed to want more. You are allowed to change direction. You are allowed to be ambitious at 50, 60 or beyond. Your career doesn’t have to shrink simply because other people’s expectations of it do.
I prefer to think of this stage of life as a ‘What am I embracing next?’ chapter.Click To Tweet
I prefer to think of this stage of life as a “What am I embracing next?” chapter. “Where can I make an impact with the lifetime of experience I’ve gathered to this point?” For myself, I’m embracing this chapter by watching my now, adult daughters find their way in the world, seeing my clients plan their careers with intention, and cheering on my business community as they take courageous step after courageous step.

Ageism is real. But it doesn’t get to write your story.

If you’re at a crossroads and wondering whether there’s more for you (more leadership, a career change, a business, or simply work that feels more meaningful), let’s talk.